Morning everyone. Straight to business! There’s a rant coming. Perhaps the first of many.

I penned my first blog-post in months the other day, and one of the topics I mentioned was batons. I assumed my next post – i.e. this one – wouldn’t quite be so soon after the first, but then I didn’t count on one of my batons displaying appalling qualities whilst in use. Let’s start from the beginning. Make sure you’re sitting comfortably.

I bought a couple of batons from Guivier’s only a matter of weeks ago. I used to use them a lot, over the years. I ordered two model P sticks. The kind Rattle is often seen sporting. I’m sure Andrew Davis also lunges with these babies too. That’s not why I bought them, mind. I’m not swayed by celebrity endorsements! I bought them because I like them, and they feel right. I buy them long, and cut the ends off – can’t stand those spindly little whiffs of sawdust at the tip – I like a log up at that end.

But enough about my proclivities.

I spent a dull (ok, it wasn’t; it was really oddly satisfying, in the same geeky way an oboist loves whittling away at their reeds) afternoon on Monday chopping and sanding the ends. In the middle of teaching Holst’s St Paul’s Suite to a student the following morning, one of them broke. SNAP. At exactly the same point as exactly the same batons always used to break years ago, which is exactly why I stopped using them in the first place. Why on earth did I go back and try again, thinking their quality-control had improved???

Essentially, what you’ve got is two bits of wood, sandwiched together and held in place merely by anti-matter, and the invisible force-fields emanating from minor 6-3 chords. Or it may as well be, because f*** all else holds it together, and the slightest twitch from the wrist renders the bits asunder.

WHAT. RUBBISH.

It really grinds my gears, as that famous conductor on telly says. It is truly, truly dreadful workmanship, and what’s more, a rip-off: At nearly £11 a pop, I’d expect a stick to last at least as far as the slow movement (of the piece, or even my career). I’ve bought a few sticks from Guivier’s since December, and they’ve often been poorly finished, badly balanced, and sometimes bent. Well, ok, I didn’t buy the bent ones, but you get the point.

So I’ve gone back to some little Maestro TR12BW jobbies, which I love, are cheaper, and above all don’t break every six bars. Much better all round.

Guivier’s should know better than to sell such dross, and I’ll be telling them so, once I’ve gotten all this off my chest. I do hope someone from their company reads this, as I’d love to offer them the right to reply. I’m not attempting to be confrontational, but when our batons are our precision tools, and they end up being far from precise, it p*sses me off big time. Plus, Guivier’s have a reputation – in a tricky world, where you can’t just grab a stick from the high street – of supplying some of the best batons to some of the best conductors. People travel there from all over, or do it mail-order. Their quality really ought to be better than that. Other company’s batons are WAAAAY better. And I’m not talking about poncey Mollards, ultra-balanced Pickboys, or Newlands embossed along the side with their own importance – I’m talking about bog-standard meat-and-two-veg sticks you can get hold of in a tiny music shop.

As you can tell, when I get ranting, I really can vent and vent and vent. So, that’s enough. I’ve got a gig tonight. Which I’ll be conducting with a simple cheap baton, the kind I’ve been using for ages. Which almost certainly won’t break. Unless someone attacks me from the viola section (it does happen, I’m told).

Anyone else got any thoughts about Guivier’s batons??? Please add comments. Maybe even photos of fatalities.

Happy snapping, folks!